First he goes and gets Early Onset Alzheimers and Frontal Temporal Lobe Dementia:
And then, he's goes and gets Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as well!
I mean how unlucky can one bloke get?
He says he's suffered terribly over the last twenty years with depression, and has bravely admitted that he was going to kill himself with organic turpentine. Crikey.
Maybe organic turpentine tastes better than the regular, ordinary tasting, paint thinner? But either way, he prefers the taste of paint thinner to drowning himself, so maybe all those stem cell injections destroyed his taste buds as well as his Dementia?
But I don't want to be too hard on him. I mean after all, it can be terribly depressing when all those Ponzi schemes he tells hundreds of other people to join, just shut up shop and close down, just like that. All that money he was so tirelessly earning, just slipping through his fingers...dreams of riches, gone. So I can totally understand how this must depress him to the point of suicide.
But don't feel sad for him folks, because I have good news.
He's only gone and gotten himself cured of PTSD!
Just imagine how wonderful all the members of our Armed Forces are going to feel about that news!
All those brave men and women who fought wars, lost limbs and suffered catastrophic
life-changing injuries can finally be cured of the mental illnesses that torment them.
So I bet you're asking yourselves how this amazingly brave guy found a cure?
How has J.Ryan Conley managed to become a medical marvel?
Well the answer is really simple folks. Ryan's doctor gave him an injection called
'Stellate Ganglion Block Surgery'.
Wow! That's a really impressive sounding procedure. So what is it?
Well in simple, easy to understand, medical jargon, having Stellate Ganglion Block Surgery is...
an injection of local anesthetic.
'A stellate ganglion block is an injection of local anesthetic in the sympathetic nerve tissue of the neck. These nerves are a part of the sympathetic nervous system. The nerves are located on either side of the voice box, in the neck.'
Now call me stupid... but I'm pretty sure that our brave soldiers would have had quite a few injections of local anesthetic, in various body areas, and yet... it didn't seem to cure them of PTSD?
But duh.h.h...how silly of me, lightbulb moment! I bet none of those soldiers wore this $25,000 hat before they had those injections?
So how has Ryan afforded a $25,000 special hat when he's only recently had to give up his luxury penthouse apartment?
Well that's an easy question to answer: by promoting another Ponzi scam - FUTURENET.
The Futurenet cryptocurrency FTO has apparently saved his family from rack and ruin.
How, I'm not quiet sure, since the currency is as flat as a pancake.
Maybe his family don't need to eat much?
Ryan is very, very, very grateful to his doctors and good friends:
Dr. Lipov has agreed (according to Ryan - who never, ever, ever tells lies) to be Ryans business partner.
The doctor is a regular on the long running 'Doctor' show and has apparently asked Ryan to be interviewed with him on the CNN channel!
So why would the CNN channel want to talk to a lowly, humble guy like J.Ryan Conley?
Because... he's a medical marvel! And he's the only person in the whole wide world whose actually filmed himself being cured. How brave is that! What a guy!
But then J. Ryan Conley has got a teensy, weensy little motive for doing all this.
He wants to shout out to the world through 'Network Marketing' (he means FutureNet) that his amazing cure only costs $3000 per treatment!
Quite what you get for $3000 is a mystery though, since a unit of local anesthetic only costs between $50 -$70.
Maybe you get tea and biscuits afterwards?
His doctors (business partners) and himself want to raise millions of dollars to buy some special robots. These robots will travel around the country in a special van visiting Military Bases and injecting soldiers with Local Anesthetic so they'll be cured of PTSD.
Now call me naive...but I'm pretty sure if you turned up outside an American Armed Forces
Base with a van full of robots and told the guard you wanted to inject any soldiers who have PTSD with Local Anesthetic, you'd pretty much guarantee being arrested and detained for life. But what do I know?
Ryan is so excited at the thought of raising millions of dollars by being on T.V and promoting his latest Ponzi scam that he can hardly contain himself. He's like that bunnie in the Duracell advert that keeps a permanent grin on his face and can't stop jumping around with excitement. Lets hope he's better on daytime T.V than on his You Tube Channel. Either way, I'm really looking forward to seeing that episode, so watch this space...
And in the meantime, here's as a little taster to the main TV event but be warned, it's not for the faint hearted. At twenty minutes long it will undoubtedly make you want to throw something hard at your computer screen, but stay with it because believe me, watching Ryan explain how he was miraculously cured and pretending to cry is the absolute, bestest, antidote for anybody feeling sad and depressed!